Le Crap

Sometimes I am full of total crap. I say this because never in my life have I been more frustrated with something that hasn't even happened yet. Although I love him, Edipus is taxing on the nerves. And believe you me, that fact is not only annoying but extremely disconcerting.

My team, bless them, can only do so much. With the sad exception of myself, they all have lives. We all have nine to fives that help us pay our bills and put gas in our cars. We still go to the movies, kiss our loved ones goodnight and try to maintain a semblance of a personal life (Again, exclude me because Edipus monopolizes all my time.). The point is this: there is not enough time in the day to do everything that needs to be done. (Let me just say that my frustration is not with the team. I love and adore each and every one of them. Seriously.)

So what am I frustrated with? Take your pick! Let's see: not enough time in the day; too many people to contact; no money; too many emails to compose; events to organize; how are we going to pay for these events?; how do we get more Twitter followers?; why don't people want to talk about this? how do I get men to help?; women to help?; and lastly for good measure: should I call animal control on my neighbors' blatant neglect of their dogs? The list goes on and on.

Sigh.

The crap that I mentioned that I am so full of is worry. I'm worried about how Edipus is moving along in its pursuit to be discovered. It's like pouring molasses at times and for a person who is used to working hard and seeing results tout de suite, well, it can get a little disheartening when those culminations don't come through even after you've busted your rump off to get them. Le Crap, I guess, is also the delusion that I thought I'd be able to do it all.

Maybe I'm not working as hard as I think I am. Maybe I'm not toiling and sweating enough. Maybe I need to kick it into overdrive and grind and race until I'm foaming at the mouth like some overworked Thoroughbred coming around the bend. Attack it. Strike it. Yes...

But wait a minute. Haven't I been doing just that?! I mean, this isn't some overnight or bourbon-induced idea. I've put a lot of thought into this - years of cranial cramping! - just to get it right. I've been stealth and methodical in my research and approach. I've hand-selected, tweaked, designed and hammered in a lot of nails. Spoken and met with strangers over coffee and ramped up a voice that isn't used to speaking so frequently. Good Lord! Isn't that enough?  But as I start to write this sentence I'm painfully aware of the answer that I must type out but all too chicken to see stamped here in black and white. But sometimes big girls gotta say it. So, here it goes: no. No friend, it isn't enough.

Great. That's just great. And so very...frustrating.